I am addicted to myself!!!! This morning I woke up needing time in prayer and scripture. As I read, I meditated on Hosea asking God how have I turned against him and why do I still struggle so with my sins, particularly my lack of self-control.
The more I thought of each individual instance, or even pattern of sins, the more I realized that these sins, even big ones, we only symptons of a deeper sin. The fact that I want my wife to serve me and struggle in finding ways to serve her, the fact that I love to play video games, sometimes uncontrollabely, the fact that I love to eat, the fact that I struggle with my eyes, they are mere symptoms of a greater disease. I always try to treat the individual instances, yet they come back. Why? What is this disease that plagues me?
I am the disease. I love me. I want to please myself. And this is not always a consious effort, subconsiously I am addicted. Much worse than a drug or alcohol, much deeper than just a physiological addiction. I am emotionally and spiritually hooked.
Is it enough to JUST SAY NO?!?
If only it were that simple. I need Jesus to change me! I need a renewed passion for God, a new love for others. I need revival!
First, I must confess this addiction.
Second, I must accept his forgiveness, by faith, recognizing that no work on my part can “make Jesus love me more.”
Third, I must turn from my sin and seek after God, wholeheartedly.
Though this passage was given as a promise to the people of Israel after Solomon dedicated the temple, this promise rings true to us today. Someone greater than Solomon has come as our substitutionary atonement, and God hears the prayer of his righteous ones (Ps 4:3). Great revivals start with humble prayers of confession before our gracious and mighty God. What I need is a great revival within my own heart. Therefore, my spiritual preparation must begin with an earnest and persevering seeking of God’s face.
When Jacob wrestled with God, even though he had been injured, he would not let go unless God blessed him. Afterwards, he would exclaim, “I have seen God face to face, yet my life has been preserved” (Gen 32:30). The Psalms are filled with admonitions to seek the face of the LORD: “When You said, “Seek My face,” my heart said to You, “Your face, O LORD, I shall seek” (Ps 27:8).
Seeking God’s face is by faith drawing near to Him—“Draw near to God and He will draw near to you” (James 4:8). It is longing for God. Our dear pastor friend from Kazakhstan once asked us (in a sermon), “Do you miss Jesus?” I had to admit that I didn’t. I do not honor and exalt Jesus in my heart enough. I want to genuinely seek after God’s face like David. I want to confess that to live is Christ and to die is gain like Paul. I want to wholeheartedly believe that “[I] have died and [my] life is hidden with Christ in God [and] when Christ, who is our life, is revealed, then [I] also will be revealed with Him in glory” (Col 3:4).
Will you seek after God, wholeheartedly?